Why won't my husband let me vent?

I have been helping my husband's sister plan her wedding. We have not always been close and I feel that we are finally becoming closer by my helping her out as much as I can. The problem is that lately we make plans to get together to work on invitations, centerpieces, etc, etc, etc. We will plan to meet at a specific time and she is always late, sometimes two hours. I have re-arranged my schedule for her, sometimes leaving work early or staying up way later at night to get some things done. When she is late, it doesn't seem to phase her that I have been put out by it. Today, she was to be here at 9:30 (after leaving here at 1 a.m.) so that we could go to the florist and for a dress fitting. She called at 10:30 and said she was on her way as if it was all good. I simply made a comment to my husband that she will act as if she wasn't even late and won't even mention it nor apologize for it. He walked away from me as if I was mad at him. He is now in our bedroom and won't talk.

Why won't my husband let me vent?
I don't think it is your problem. i think it is their problem. And you should treat it as such. I think when he is calmed down you should talk to him and when you get a chance talk to her. And tell them what you don't like and get this straightened out.
Reply:your husband needs to stop being such an immature baby and realize that because you are saying this about his sister doesn't mean you are insulting her. the fact is, the problem exists. his sister is always late, you are going out of your way to help her and she isn't trying to make it any less of a hassle for you. if your husband is going to be that way, you should be that way back and ignore him. when he sees this, he will probably ask you why you are ignorning him/mad at him and then you can tell him he is being immature and you are not insulting his sister, but she needs to stop being late and make it less of a hassle for you! some people are really very annoying..
Reply:He thinks you are a dawk.
Reply:wont do no good complaining or even just talk about his sister unless there is only good stuff , that would put him in the middle. I would definitely say something to sister in law about her disrespecting you, yup, that's what she's doing , if she cant take that, I no longer would be offering help and treat her only cordial. She doesn't deserve you're caring.

Do something about this or you will pile up resentment.
Reply:Okay, he overreacted. But a fact of life: Men get frustrated when a problem is presented they are powerless to solve. This is an age-old problem men and women have. After a women vents, she feels better and her man feels worse.



BTW, why don't you find a way to quit helping your sister-in-law? It's causing you grief. Isn't it logical to stay away from things that cause you grief? You have no obligation to do those things for her. If you continue to try to help and receive that kind of treatment in return, you really only have yourself to blame.
Reply:He does not need to be placed in the middle of it all. He has a right to walk away and not make a comment back to you.



You need to confront her on this not him. He can not change what is happening, she can.



It is not that he is in the bedroom sulking and not talking, he just does not want to be placed in the middle of something that two grown woman should be able to handle themselves.



Nuff said!
Reply:I am not saying that he is right or anything, but maybe he feels that you are putting him in the middle when you complain to him about his sister.

My own opinion is that he married YOU, so he needs to keep his loyalties with you.



Meanwhile, I think your gripe is with your sister in law, not with your husband (even though he could be more supportive of you).

Maybe she's being a Bridezilla or something, but if you want to put a stop to her walking all over you then you are going to have to stand up to her, %26amp; tell her like it is.



Here's an example: The next time she calls to say that she wants to meet with you at a certain time like 09:30, then do a mental calculation for how long it would take to complete the task that she wants you for, like maybe an hour, so assuming that she showed up on time, that would mean that you would be finished at 10:30. So tell her that you have something else that you have to leave for at 10:30 (even if you don't) so she had better be on time or she will lose her time slot with you.



If she still isn't there by 09:45 then have your coat, purse and shoes ready at the door, %26amp; if she shows up at 10:29 make sure she sees you getting in your car, %26amp; driving away. If she isn't there at 10:30 then go do some shopping or visit a friend on the other side of town, just be gone for when she shows up.

If she calls before you are gone but she's horribly late, then tell her you won't be there and remind her that you said you had to leave for another place by 10:30.



She is doing this stuff to you because YOU ARE LETTING HER GET AWAY WITH IT!

Once she knows those days are gone, she will either go out and find another sucker to push around, or she will start to wise up %26amp; treat you a lot less like a servant at her beck and call.



As for your husband, I suspect that he really isn't much into confrontation is he?

If that's the case I'm afraid you're kind of on your own.

Good Luck!
Reply:Have you ever seen the stupid tv show Bridezillas? Maybe she is a bridezilla and only cares about herself so she does not apologize to you when she shows up to places late. She could be the type of person to think that she is the important one and no one else is because she will be the center of attention at the wedding. I think your husband might be mad that you are helping her with the wedding and complaining about it. Maybe you should cut back on some of the wedding preparations since your sister-in-law is being disrespectful. Good luck.
Reply:It sounds like he is torn between trying to support his sister and trying to take care of you, but if ultimately he sides with his sister, he is not doing the right thing. Wife comes before sister. Those are the rules. When he married you, that was a formal break to provide a higher allegiance to you, his spouse. Hopefully, he can keep all happy, but in this case, he obviously isn't. You have a right to expect others to be on time when you give your volunteer time and make sacrifices for others benefit. Your sister-in-law is wrong. And if your husband believes 1 hour late is acceptable, he is wrong too. If this is just the first time, well then, everybody deserves a break but they should have a good excuse. If, however, these are people who are just habitually late all the time, well then, they need to understand that if they want your time and attention, you have requirements too and one of them is to be moderately punctual. I have a sister who is habitually late to everything. She has trained all her friends to just come to expect this. Well...it sucks and it sucks royally. As as result, I don't socialize with her or ask her to events I attend. Nobody deserves this kind of a free pass to everything in life. If you snooze...you lose. That's life.



I'd find maybe a tactful way to give your sister-in-law a clear statement of your position. Perhaps write her a note. Don't be judgemental or condescending. Just establish your boundary and the expectation that if your boundaries are violated, you will not be helping or accomodating. You will move on. And if is causes tension, don't feel guilty because you will be in the right but do what you can to avoid that situation again. It will be up to her to make things right the next time...by being FRIGGIN' ON TIME!



As for your husband, he may fear his sister more than he fears you, and that's not right. I don't know what all was said there in your house or if you stepped over the line in any way. Just remember..."COOL HEADS PREVAIL"...so don't fuel their unreasonable position by doing anything emotional or rash on your part. State you case with a smile and move ahead. Leave all turkeys and abusers behind. Don't get suckered into their trap.
Reply:why dont you try very nicely asking her this.... I know your really busy with the wedding but im trying to help you out as much as I can but I would really appreciaite it if your going to be late or cant make it at our scheduled time that you would just call and let me know so that I can get some other things done in the meantime and be prepared to help you once you arrive
Reply:well what do you expect from your husband.do you want him to criticize you or his sister and with her weeding coming the way.
Reply:You married into a family of idiots.